Therapy Isn’t School: How we can approach our time in sessions

There are no wrong answers in therapy. There might be other options, strategies, or ideas we can think of or create. No wrong answers. Yikes. From a world of standardized tests and having to get it right, say the right thing, do the right thing, be the right thing, it’s hard to walk into therapy and know what to say or do. 

Often, clients look for reassurance from me, checking to make sure that the process looks right. This tendency can be attributed to the fact that we’ve done this our whole lives, we have looked at educators, our parents, family members, mentors, coaches, bosses, and hope we get it right. 

Therapy isn’t school, there’s not a deadline to do something, or to say the right thing. We get to (or in the therapy world need to) just to show up and be ourselves. That can be hard can’t it? With all the people we are supposed to be, how do we just be ourselves? A lot of times, it’s just a guess. Taking a moment, being thoughtful, and going with it. This is where people will say, “I have a gut feeling.” We can trust that intuition. We can trust our own knowledge. Many times there’s so much that gets in the way. The chatter and noise of all the institutions we have navigated, or the time we are in front of technology, the books that we read. All of that is helpful and has shaped who we are. 

When we come to therapy, an interesting question is posed, “what do you want to work on?” Or “how would you know you no longer need services?” Oftentimes someone does know these answers, or I hear them named throughout the conversation. It takes a bit of time, and a bit of unlearning. 

This unlearning and time is, of course, guided by the training and ethics, laws and expectations of the world we live in (to be clear this shows up as not harming ourselves or others). But ultimately, the work is in finding the client's true voice, their internal compass and recognition of who and what they are; how to be more fully aware and awake within your own world. That is the work, and the practitioner is always your trained resource and, when you find the right one, your wise guide who can set the boundaries and perimeters along the way.